I've come to realize that my life will never be exactly the way I want it. I want to please everyone. But I can't. I want to always be happy. But I can't. There is no perfect life, and so I don't see what everyone is striving for. I've came to the understanding that I will continue to work my butt off for anything in life. It never ends, high school, college, and then career. I will always be pushing myself to work and I will never be able to stop. I feel like i'm going and going all day. Like the world is going to fast and i can't catch up, but it keeps going. I feel like my sleep is not enough. I sleep like a rock, wake up in the same position i fell asleep in (which isn't like me), and still wake up tired. Struggling to stay awake all day. My dreams are never good. They always consist of me running from something, trying to get out of trouble, trying to catch up to someone, or something like that. It's weird. And i'm guessing it's just from me being tired.
And the worst part is, realizing that life won't meet you halfway. It's never exactly how you want it, and never will be. You'll always want a little more. Hope never seems close enough. Relaxing never seems close enough. I'm sorry if this is depressing. I'm just in that mood.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, i love thanksgiving. I'm excited to have a day off. Which is pathetic. Also to have a day to spend with my family. I never feel like I get enough time with them. My little sister and little cousins are growing up so fast it's scary. And it's scary to me that I will be 18 in 26 days. Wow. I don't feel like an adult at all.
I got accepted to dccc, like its a big deal, haha. Who doesn't? Anyways. I take the placement test December 8th. I'm going to need to studddyyy. But I don't know when to find the time. I have no idea where to go to take the test either. I've never set foot at that college, only me in my car that I didn't get out of. And they never tell you anything there :( like i said, i don't feel like an adult. ha.
I feel like this blog is really long. So i'm going to stop and try and go to bed. I'm worn outttt.
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ReplyDeleteI've been dealing with a lot of the same stuff lately. Especially the adult stuff. It's so hard already to just pay my phone bill and for my medicine and gas every month, just off tips, because I promised myself that I would save my paychecks and just live off tips. I can't imagine becoming an "adult" and having to pay mortgage and insurance.. like, that stuff scares me. I was thinking about the stuff I want/need when I turn 18 the other day, like my apartment, my first tattoo, an old VW Beetle (haha), and then things start adding on, like electricity, water, maintenence (sp?) for the Beetle, plus my insurance since the car will be in my name. It's scary Kayla! I freak myself out. I feel like I'm rambling, but I wanted you to know that I know what you mean. To be completely honest, I'm afraid to grow up.
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