"Well, she lives in a fairytale, somewhere too far for us to find"

I just finished working out. I'm surprising myself. haha :) And I get to go into work at 6 today, instead of 4. Which gave me a little free time. I have a hair appointment tomorrow and i'm a little scared, and a little excited. I need a change in myself.
I'm going to try and whiten my teeth a little more, too. I've had the stuff, and I used to bleach them every night. I don't know what happened to that. December is tomorrow, it's scary. I will be EIGHTEEN in like 22 DAYS! and I only have 24 to do all my christmas shopping. So I better get on that. I'm hoping to get a tattoo in December. I want it while I'm in high school, because i know that it will be one of the coolest ones, not being cocky, just considering everyone's into barbed wires and dragons and crosses and stupid shit. That's okay, that leaves the cooler ones for the cooler people :D :D

These blogs make me feel like I'm talking to myself, but just a little better. haha

Julie, we should go to the tanning bed soon. I know I could've just texted you that, oh well!
I figured you'd like reading it in here.


I'm dreading six o clock.

I settled down, a twisted up frown
disguised as a smile, well
You would have never known
I had it all but not what i wanted
'cause hope for me was a place uncharted
And overgrown

You can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer
You've got to reach a little more

Open your eyes like i opened mine
It's only the real world
A life you will never know
Shifting your weight to throw off the pain
Well you can ignore it
But only for so long

changes

I actually worked out yesterday, for like 20 minutes. I was very proud of myself. I'm going to try and start doing that more often, but the problem is finding the time. I'm also going to try and start eating better. I need to. My senior project needs to be first priority right now, and I'm trying. I have a lot left to do, and only a little time. But I'm trying not to worry too much about it. And, like I said, I take the placement test at the college in the next few weeks (Dec 8th) however many weeks that is. And of course I'm worried about that. I'm scared about college in general. I don't really want to go. I've realized how easy high school is, and in high school you feel protected and what not. And in college they just let you go. I guess that's good in some ways, and bad in others. But what choice do I have? My childhood has flew by me.

The truth never set me free, so I did it myself.

I've come to realize that my life will never be exactly the way I want it. I want to please everyone. But I can't. I want to always be happy. But I can't. There is no perfect life, and so I don't see what everyone is striving for. I've came to the understanding that I will continue to work my butt off for anything in life. It never ends, high school, college, and then career. I will always be pushing myself to work and I will never be able to stop. I feel like i'm going and going all day. Like the world is going to fast and i can't catch up, but it keeps going. I feel like my sleep is not enough. I sleep like a rock, wake up in the same position i fell asleep in (which isn't like me), and still wake up tired. Struggling to stay awake all day. My dreams are never good. They always consist of me running from something, trying to get out of trouble, trying to catch up to someone, or something like that. It's weird. And i'm guessing it's just from me being tired.

And the worst part is, realizing that life won't meet you halfway. It's never exactly how you want it, and never will be. You'll always want a little more. Hope never seems close enough. Relaxing never seems close enough. I'm sorry if this is depressing. I'm just in that mood.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, i love thanksgiving. I'm excited to have a day off. Which is pathetic. Also to have a day to spend with my family. I never feel like I get enough time with them. My little sister and little cousins are growing up so fast it's scary. And it's scary to me that I will be 18 in 26 days. Wow. I don't feel like an adult at all.

I got accepted to dccc, like its a big deal, haha. Who doesn't? Anyways. I take the placement test December 8th. I'm going to need to studddyyy. But I don't know when to find the time. I have no idea where to go to take the test either. I've never set foot at that college, only me in my car that I didn't get out of. And they never tell you anything there :( like i said, i don't feel like an adult. ha.

I feel like this blog is really long. So i'm going to stop and try and go to bed. I'm worn outttt.

bored

SHA LA LA LA LAAAA. LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAA

Work completely sucked tonight. We close at 10, and this group of 3 comes in at 9:50 and interrupts my cleaning....and they not only get 3 footlongs and everything to go on and with them, but they decide TO EAT IN. How. Why. Really? I would never do that. We didn't walk out the door until 10:45 because they left at 10:35. Howww stupid.

Enough of that. Today was an okay day. I like being at school on the days that I have to work. And I don't know why. I guess being anywhere away from work makes me feel better.

My hair is nasty, and I need a bath. But i'm too lazy right now, and i'm tired and aching. Plus, I would just lay in there relaxing and it would take me like 2 hours. My mom calls it my "princess baths," but it's really not like that. Haha. I just think the hot water feels good.. and I'm usually watching something. It's one of the few times I get to relax and think and one of the very few times that my body actually feels good.
Now I kinda want to take one.
Maaaan.

But i'm not. So goodnight. :)

capture and embrace

There are things in this world, that for some people, aren't easy to come by. Some people don't have a nice car, or a car at that, a house of their own, or even a roof over their head. And you do, you have everything you've ever asked for. It makes me sick to see that it isn't enough for you, and you still find room to complain about everything you've BEEN GIVEN. Keyword- given. Not earned or worked for, or payed for.....given. Given to you with no papers, no bills, no payments what-so-ever. Nothing, just handed to you. For some reason, the more you've complained, the more people have given you what you want. But people are starting to see right through you. Not everyone, but enough. You've got it coming, people like you always do. I thank God that I'm not as blind and selfish and ungrateful as you are, and never will be. If I was handed $109,000,000 right now, I still would be more grateful than you, and that's a shame. :)

"AT ANY RATE,"
I just got home from work not long ago. Now it's time for bed, of course. Ahhhh, bed sounds so good right now. My feet and back hurt so bad. I also have a headache. Sleeping will take care of that, though, for now.

And for now, goodnight

Dear Julie Pickett,

I would like to thank you for creating this profile for me, without you I don't think this could be completed. I greatly appreciate your help with it, and showing me the ropes.

Thanks again.
Sincerely,
Scrooge